Razor Blade Symphony: Ch. 13

"What the hell were you thinking last night?" Clary cried.

We sat in my room. She paced the floor and threw her arms in the air dramatically. I sat on the bed with my hands folded between my legs. I felt like a little girl getting yelled at by my mother.

She sighed. "What exactly did you do last night?"

"I don't remember," I shrugged. I felt terrible about lying to her but I didn't want to get yelled at anymore. I had enough guilt without her weighing me down more.

She grunted and turned away from me. "How do you not remember?"

"Alcohol?" I was getting annoyed.

"I turned around and you and Andy were gone!" She continued. "I looked for you and all I can find was Andy's door locked."

I didn't remember the doorknob moving after Andy locked it. I shrugged. "I'm sorry, I don't remember anything."

"Promise?" Clary looked me straight in the eye for the first time for more than a couple of seconds since we locked ourselves in my room. "I would like to know if something happened. I am not going to be mad if you tell me."

I looked at her, debating whether or not to tell her. I wished I had a guidebook or a shoulder angel to tell me what to do.

"You do remember!" She cried. A panic feeling came over me. "You hesitated on promising!
You do remember what happened last night! Tell me everything!" I couldn't tell if she was excited or angry.

I sighed. "Yes I do remember and I'll tell you on one condition."

"What's that?"

"No guilt trips please. I already feel bad enough."

She sat down on my carpet with her legs crossed. She folded her hands and stared at me with her right knee bouncing up and down. "I promise no guilt trips."
Telling her what happened was surprisingly easy. The words just poured out of my mouth like word vomit. I told her everything with a replay of last night playing in my mind like a video. I could feel his hands all over my body, his gently lips kissing me gently but rough, his blue eyes staring at me in a way no guy has every looked I me. I could feel the texture of his hair between my fingers when I held tight. It was soft but rough, his feather earring tickling my neck, his warm skin against mine. Everything came back.

Clary sat silently until I was finished. Her eyes were wide and the color drained from her face. I couldn't tell if she was ready to scream or congratulate me. I sat patiently waited for her to say something.

"Oh. My. God." She finally said.

"No guilt trip, remember?" I felt like I was going to cry.

She looked away from me and down at my carpet. Her fingers picked at it as if she was pulling grass out of my yard. "You slept with Andy," she whispered, more to herself than to me. My heart pounded in my chest. I was very scared to hear what she was going to say. She looked at me. "Do you like him?"

I hesitated on answering. Could my feelings for Andy be classified that I liked him? When I would get a text from him, my heart races and I loved the feeling I got when we talked for hours. Last night, I honestly believed I felt like I belonged to him, that I was his girlfriend. I nodded. "Yea, I guess I do like him."

"Then I'm happy for you," she said cheerfully. "I mean I'm not too happy that you got drunk and slept with him and the fact that he already has a girlfriend, but I'm happy you found someone new to like. Just don't do anything stupid." She added.

I laughed. "It's a little late for that."

"You know what I mean!" She laughed. "Should I tell you what happened to me at the party?"

"Please don't tell me you were having sex too," I smiled.

Clary rapidly shook her head. "No! I am not ready for that!"

"Then tell me."

"He told me he loved me." Her checks were candy apple read and she played with necklace nervously.

My face lit up and I felt like I wanted to scream. "What did you say to him?"
Her smile was huge and her eyes sparkled. "I told him I loved him too!"

I let out a small, girlish squeal. "Oh my god! Clary, that's awesome!"

"I'm so happy," She said, still playing with her necklace. "I mean, I love being around him. I am always happy when I am with him and, I don't know how to explain it. He's just…I don't know."

I laughed. I got down on the floor and hugged her. "I am so happy for you," I looked at her with my hands on her shoulders. Her home life was so unpredictable with her parents being either the coolest parents in the world or the meanest and her siblings who were spoiled and didn't care about anything but themselves at times. I was happy she found something stable and safe.

"Please tell me you used protection," she said.

I grunted, hoping she was past that conversation. "What do you think I am an idiot?" I laughed. "Oh course I used protection! I am not having any children right now."

"Good," she replied. "Otherwise, I would have to kick your ass!"